Bury Me at Wounded Knee

If you had to win one game, what Quarterback from NFL history would you pick to win it? It’s arguable but you would hear names like Elway, Unitas, Montana, Marino, or Starr.  If you narrowed it to QB’s still playing you’d hear Manning (Peyton), Brady, or Brees.  How many names would you go through before you got to Cutler?  Would you hear Orton before Cutler?  What if you narrowed it to just the NFC: Brees, Vick, dare I say Favre? How about the NFC central: I think it’d be a wonderful day in Mr. Rodgers neighborhood before you looked to Chicago and some would even pick the kid in Detroit or the ? (possibly McNabb) who will QB in Minnesota.  Would we have to narrow it to professional QB’s in Chicago or would that risk the embarrassment of hearing the name of young Caleb?  One thing we can all agree on Jay Cutler is better than Todd Collins.  Jay Cutler, on the sidelines with his IPod doing his best impression of a kid with ADHD, is better than Todd Collins.

It’s not like we weren’t warned, folks.

“If Jay Cutler doesn’t raise red flags, Bears fans, you are color blind. From all appearances and indications, he has the maturity level of larva….The Bears on Thursday traded their first- and third-round picks this year, their first-round pick next year and Kyle Orton to the Broncos in exchange for Cutler, a 2009 fifth-round pick and a six-pack of baby formula.” – Rick Morrissey

Rick Reilly the week before last Sunday’s game in an article entitled Jay Cutler is no Teddy Bear, pulled the curtain back on Cutler’s character,

“Once, in his rookie year in Denver, 45 minutes before a game, surefire Hall of Fame safety John Lynch was trying to explain something to Cutler about NFL pass coverage. Except Cutler wasn’t looking at Lynch. He was texting.

“Man, I’m trying to talk to you!” Lynch protested.

Didn’t help. Cutler was all thumbs, head down. Finally, Lynch slapped the phone out of Cutler’s hands, smashing it to the floor.

He listened after that.”

And then there was this interaction with the legend:

“One time, Broncos coach Mike Shanahan thought it would be helpful for Cutler and Broncos legend John Elway to have lunch. Let Cutler drink in some of Elway’s experience.  The three of them sat down at a Denver steak joint. Elway, polite as ever, tried to impart some wisdom. Except Cutler wasn’t looking at Elway. He wasn’t looking at Shanahan, either. He was looking at the TV. The whole time. With his baseball cap on backward. All the way through dessert. Elway did not leave impressed.”

Surprised? Not hardly. This guy is about as humble as gingivitis: “I have a stronger arm than John Elway, hands down. I’ll bet on it against anybody’s in the league. Brett Favre’s got a cannon, but on game days, there’s nobody in the league who’s going to throw it harder than I am at all.” – Jay Cutler

Packer Hall of Famer, Greg Koch joined KILT in Houston to vouch for Jay’s toughness:

“As I mentioned last week and on Saturday’s show, the factor that was going to come down to that game was the X-factor, the Cutler factor, and man, I just never thought that his tampon would fall out on national TV.”
“There’s no mentality. If you’re a professional athlete, you answer the bell until they tell you there’s no way to play. You can brace that thing.”

But Mr. Koch the trainers told him he couldn’t play:

“Oh, bull. Let me tell you something, nobody would’ve kept Tom Brady off the field if he wanted to play. Nobody would’ve kept Peyton Manning off the field. Then you don’t just sit on the sideline and ride a bike like a little girl. … The only thing I can think of is maybe Colt McCoy’s dad visited him in the locker room at halftime to try and pump him up.”

Even Stan over at SouthPark had a solid read into the soul of Cutler “Nice to meet you. I mean, you kinda suck, but my dad says you might be good some day.”

And why isn’t anyone talking about the Celebutard girlfriend being in town the week of the big game?

When Tony Romo was romancing Jessica Simpson in Cabo, he took a beating when he lost in the playoffs for not being focused; including a shot from old school legend Terry Bradshaw, “”No way that I would ever, ever do what Tony did. I mean, I can have my picture taken with movie stars when the season is over.”
Is Terry Bradshaw on to something (can you say 4 SuperBowl Rings) or is he just acting Romophobic?

Why do Jay and Kirstin get a pass when Tony and Jessica get hammered?  Are the Cowboys more serious about winning football than the Bears or is Kirstin just not as obnoxious yet?

The players around the league have all spoken, it’s not about a bruised knee it’s all about a lack of heart.  Manning, Brady, Brees – none of these guys are coming out of ‘the game.’  And to all those defenders of Jay, did you get the idea he really had that old Grabowski desire to beat the Packers?  How about the desire to represent Chicago in a SuperBowl?  Do you think McMahon comes out on Sunday because he got a run in his stocking?

One last question, does it bother any of you Cutler apologists that his defenders in the media are all guys who played intramurals with black socks on or were on the golf team at Columbia Journalism School? I hate to go all Mr. T on you all but if you want to see a real man, and yes, the NFL is full of them, check out Byron Leftwich playing QB for Marshall. Remember Marshall the school that lost the whole football team in a plane crash … and didn’t quit.

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2 Comments

  1. I simply could not leave your site prior to suggesting that I actually enjoyed the standard information an individual supply on your guests? Is gonna be back ceaselessly to check out new posts

  2. lukehamilton /

    (yawn) I hope you have better ammo than this tomorrow, Parson. This is pretty weak sauce..

    Question for you, are you gonna pick your new “favorite” team before or after the pre-season Superbowl picks are announced next season? I’m just saying.. (They don’t call you Bandwagon Bob for nothing)

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