Sticky: An Uncommon Call for Creativity & a Contest!

Dear Uncommon Ones,

If you’ve been following the show as of late you are undoubtedly aware that the Parson & the Cleaner have been having a little fun developing the idea of “Hell’s Harem.” Hell’s Harem started out like this:

We understand that in Islam it is legal for a man to marry up to 4 wives. (I know, I know, we dumb males in the West are rather confused as to what we should do with just the one, let alone four! Nevertheless…) So the idea was who would be about the 4 nastiest women a Muslim could wed for all time and eternity? We initially came up with these delightful choices:

1. Joy Behar
2. Rosie O’Donnell
3. Roseanne Barr (And yes, she’d only be allowed to sing the National Anthem.)
4. Janeanne Garafalo

Here was the ‘First Draft’ our photoshop expert & producer Michestopholes came up with:

Pretty horrifying, ain’t it? Yes, we were pleased, too. All seemed final, however, in keeping with our normal manner, we kept the thought process at full throttle. (You just can’t shut genius down at will, you know.) And then it hit us.

Western students of Islam, particularly since 9/11, are culturally aware of the concept of the 72 virgins awarded to the dutiful servant of Allah if he dies in the act of serving his faith. You see, in Islam there is absolutely no other assurance of Heaven for the typical adherent. However, if you die a martyr’s death – usually commencing with the phrase “Allahu Akhbar” being uttered, followed immediately by an exploding vest loaded with C4, nails, ball bearings & tacks – well, the good times are about to roll!

As Christians we obviously do not accept any such premise. In fact, it’s reprehensible, if not downright absurd. So, being rather absurd ourselves, we wondered what *might* await a Muslim who dies a martyr’s death if the Parson or the Cleaner were to have any say in the matter. And at that thought we began our search for the 72 most wretched loony leftists we could imagine!

We imagined a kind of ‘Beatlesque’ scene, reminiscent of the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band cover, if you will. There were a lot good things going on in that thing, as you may recall. And that’s what we aim to do! We’re looking to corral the 72 nuttiest, nastiest, most annoying liberal women of all time to keep our determined Muslim jihadis comforted for all eternity. Once we’ve decided we’re going to have Michestopheles do a magnificent photoshop of the whole scene.

And that’s where you come in, dear Uncommon friend. We’re looking for your input. See, we’ve got some ideas, about 47 to be exact, but we’d like to hear from you! In return for the most useful input, whoever that may be, we vow to reward the effort with the ‘Most Fabulous Object in the Universe!’ (To be determined later.) Isn’t that something? We are the gracious ones…

Here are the rules:

1. It can be any women, dead or alive, who is/was an unhinged raving moonbat liberal. The more annoying the better!
2. Should probably be a hag (most libs are, actually, check it out on Google), as even a modern Hollywierd beauty of a lib might considerably desirable over some we’ve already chosen.
3. Obscure isn’t necessarily bad, so dig deep! Very few people know all the characters on the Sgt. Pepper’s album cover, so a little mystery should be present. Half the fun is in the search!

And that’s about it. Below is the (continuing) list as it stands so far, cross check with it before posting your ideas:

5. Helen Thomas (The Dame of our Harem!)
6. Whoopi Goldberg
7. Sandra Bernhard
8. Hillary Clinton
9. Eleanor Clift
10. Janet Reno
11. Janet Napolitano
12. Cindy Sheehan
13. Jane Fonda (An older pic will do, she’s that dang annoying!)
14. Madeline Albright
15. Nancy Pelosi
16. Susan Estridge
17. Wanda Sykes
18. Arianna Huffington
19. Sonia Sotomayor
20. Ruth Bader-Ginsburg
21. Moichelle Obama (Really, how does the man do it?)
22. Kathy Griffin
23. Amy Carter
24. Theresa Heinz-Kerry
25. Yoko Ono
26. Margaret Cho
27. Christiane Amanpour
28. Andrea Mitchell
29. Barney Frank (Oh yeah, that is SO happening…)
30. Rosa DeLauro
31. Maureen Dowd
32. Maxine Waters
33. Dorothy Tillman
34. Rachel Maddow
35. Randi Rhodes
36. Elena Kagan
37. Barbara Walters
38. Oprah
39. Sally Jesse Raphael
40. Betty Friedan
41. Anita Dunn
42. Frances Fox-Piven
43. Sheila Jackson-Lee
44. Kristina Vanden Heuvel
45. Chastity Bono
46. Margaret Sanger
47. The Wicked Witch of the West (She really had no appreciation for American values, did she?)

So, we need more, please put your thinking caps on and let’s see who is the most creative amongst our listeners. The world’s jihadis are counting on you! I’ll leave you with an image likely to scare straight even the most mean spirited and misguided mujahadeen out there, our Grand Dame, Helen Thomas!

Hoo wee! “…She’s a beauty, she’s one in a million girls…!!”

Good luck to all,

The Cleaner & the Parson

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7 Comments

  1. Artskoe /

    How about Sharia Crow? I feel a guilty pleasure when I use more than 2 pieces…

  2. Few more suggestions:

    Madalyn Murray O’Hair
    Katie Couric
    Anita Hill
    Judge Maryann Sumi

  3. lukehamilton /

    I can’t believe you guys missed Boxer AND Schakowski!

    I’m confused about the criteria. You include Randi Rhodes, Oprah, and Jane Fonda but I thought we could only pick crones. What gives?

    In light of this inconsistency, I submit the following:
    Vanessa Redgrave
    Amy Goodman
    Sen. Amy Klobuchar
    Dawn Johnsen
    Katie Redford
    Donna Brazile
    Winona LaDuke
    Ellen Degenerate (were you guys sleeping??)
    bell hooks
    Dolores Huerta
    Maya Angelou
    Geraldine Ferraro
    Perez Hilton
    Dianne Feinstein
    Sen. Debbie Stabenow
    Bernadine Dohrn
    Shelley Berkley

  4. Here’s another: the whore of Babylon

  5. Bill Ward /

    Your top three picks were also mine. Yoko Ono is my favorite of the others. It’s “The Oprah” to you fellas.

    Hows about:

    -Barbara Boxer -did you actually miss this one?
    -Madonna
    -Cher
    -Nurse Ratchet -you can bend the rules for this one, though she couldn’t
    -Eleanor Roosevelt
    -Susan Sarandon
    -Gloria Steinham
    -Marie Antoinette -“Let ’em eat pork”
    -Roseanne Barr AND Roseanne’s Baby

  6. And, Jan Schakowsky

  7. Here’s a few more:

    -Jezebel
    -Herodias
    -Dianne Feinstein
    -Barbara Boxer
    -Delilah
    -Lisa Murkowski
    -Blanche Lincoln
    -Debbie Stabenow
    -Mary Landrieu
    -Olympia Snowe
    -Lot’s wife
    -Salome
    -Maacah
    -Barbra Streisand
    -Michelle Obama
    -Katie Couric
    -Louise Slaughter

    Well, they’re not all ugly, but it’s good start!

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